Fate.

No wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... could i afford to take care of others?... i cant even take care of myself.. Did i look noble enough?.. although the meaning of my name is noble.. years of learning and suffering seems wasting.. you don’t know how much I did suffer .. but I don’t feel regret to it.. did i look like a nurse?.. Ha-ha what a joke..

Yeah you heard me, kc is say no to nurse.. its all started when star exhibition thingy at klcc.. hmm now I need to see deeply myself , no more wasting time observe others, it wasn’t a part of my job.. but sometime its just carried away.. Please god help me get trough this.. im not strong enough.. I don’t know whats gonna happen next.. what if I made a wrong choice.. I don’t want to lose my life for it..

Omg I care about others too much without realizing what I must do for myself… I should be the one that don’t give a damn in what people say or what they do..take care of myself first..why should I bother about others feelings when I myself don’t even care about my feelings..thats why I seems so heartless.. oh did it sound selfish?.. I wish not.. sacrifices must be made…. But im not some machine that can reset anytime and be back to normal.. Im lost in my own world..

How to analyze myself?.. I could only see others but I cant see myself..its like what I do best.. I know I will rebel if they talk about my weakness.. of course I must protect myself if they did.. but how long will it take for me to know myself?.. only the people surround me knows how bad I am.. how ugly I really looks.. how pathetically sinful I am..

In some part only I myself knows who I really are but in reaction, conversation and weakness I cant never know that.. it happen out of control sometime…there is no such mirror to see my flaws which are dreadfully uncountable.. I hate myself for it.. I wish to be better.. but I cant never do it..

Back to the real topic.. in klcc there is some exhibition about colleges and stuff like that.. my brother strongly recommended me to be a nurse… its because being a nurse doesn’t burden so much due to no such highly education is required.. and it doesn’t cost a lot.. I know my father is facing difficulty itself.. I cant bear seeing my father suffering more… yes I know I should study harder so that I do not burden my father more.. but its not like I cant turn back the time.. now Im really feeling the regret of not studying harder.. but what can I do now..im such a dumb head.. dumb.. dumb.. dumb..dumb me.. thanks for that kc.. you really deserve it..bravooo… excellent.. a round of applause

I hate changes.. really do.. but a fact about it I just cant get away from changes.. It will happen eventually and I must face it somehow.. I wish to be smaller and don’t grow up… Im not readyyyyyyyyy for it.. when I was younger I cant wait to grow.. but now I feel regret of saying that.. I should enjoy every moment of my life’s.. its not like I know if I can live longer.. and time cant never wait for me.. I need to learn more and not get tired of learning.. its what mom’s always taught me.. but I don’t know if im good enough..